Light Skin Dark Skin & Dating

A few days ago I had an interesting conversation with a my friend and his friend.  Now you know I’m always interested in what someone has to say, and why  they said it in the first place, so when the conversation switched to dating light and dark skin women I made sure to keep my ears… and mind open.

I came into the conversation when the two 20 something year old dark skin guys were comparing and bragging about some of the women they had dated in the past, normal guy convo.  That’s when my friends friend, lets call him Jay said, “I would never date a woman that’s darker than me”.  He went on to note that if he were to date any dark skin woman, she would have to be damn there super natural with tons of qualities that would have to make up for her dark skin.

Now, I almost fell out my seat y’all.  I couldn’t believe that this black man, dark skin black man at that, refused to date women that looked like him.  I realized as the conversation went on that any light skin woman that he decided to date didn’t have to reach any of the high standards he set for dark skin women, she just had to be pretty.  Her skin provided enough value for the rest. 

I asked him – just to double check – “If there were two women who were exactly the same in mind and body, which would you choose?”.  Of course he said the light skin woman.   There was something about light skin that showed beauty, value and worth for him.  Something that he couldn’t find in dark skin women.

Readers, I know we all have our preferences and I respect those preferences.  But to automatically count out dark skin women seemed a bit extreme.  Talk about the effects of the portrayal of black women and beauty!

Anyway to make a long discussion short, Jay continued to present his logical case.  “Dark skin women don’t like me” he said.  I would have brushed off that statement had it been the first time I heard it, but a few people had mentioned this same argument. 

  • Are dark skin women not here for dark skin men?

I was encouraged to end the discussion when Jay told me he wasn’t even of African descent… a family member was Dominican three times removed or something.  My friend and I had to pause the conversation to explain how all black people were of African descent.. I mean where did he think those black Dominicans came from?  He argued against us for a little bit, but eventually he at least got that part.  I figured I’d take my win from the conversation and start to wrap things up.

The point of it all

Alright so here comes the resolution.  Again it’s okay for us to have our preferences, however, I do feel like the world demonizes dark skin women… in all cultures, races and ethnicities.  I’m sure I don’t have to explain where this comes from.

I’m most concerned that Jay is not the only person who thinks like this.  There are many people: black, white and other, who seem to not be attracted to people with darker skin.  Not only are many not attracted to dark skin, but they are also less open to giving opportunities to people with darker shades.  I’m not sure whether we as people of color should focus our time and resources in uplifting the darker woman and showing beauty and value in her skin, or to black men by telling them that there is beauty and value in us.

Lastly I’m not pinning dark and light skin people against each other.  My issue is primarily with people who do not see beauty or value in dark skin.  The need for someone to have the need to dilute their potential spouse with another race in order date them kills something inside of me.



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